My week

So my week has been quite a rollercoaster ride. It has been a month and a half since my miscarriage and I still hadn't had a period, so out of curiousity, Tuesday I decided to take a pregnancy test. It was positive! I really couldn't believe it but was pretty excited. But after talking to my dr the next morning they were thinking that this wasn't a new pregnancy but that possibly I never actually miscarried and that I was still pregant! Then I didn't know what to think! Could it be that I have been pregnant for over a month and not know it? Crazy! I went in Thursday for an ultrasound to see what was going on. Unfortunately, there was no baby. Just a placenta. I guess I either miscarried the baby and not the rest or there is a possibility of a molar pregnancy which means I never was pregnant to begin with. Whatever the case they have to do a D&C surgery tomorrow morning. Needless to say it was pretty exhausting to go from excitement to confusion to disappointment to anxiety all in a few days. I would appreciate your prayers that everything goes well tomorrow and that it wasn't a molar pregnancy. If it was the dr. said they wouldn't want me to get pregnant for another year. That hit hard! But, I'm not going there yet.
I will just continue to trust the Lord that He knows what He is doing. He is a good God. He knows what is best and it is all in His plans to mold and shape me into being more like Him. I'm just trying to keep my focus there.

The music man

Hello! I think its time for a snack!

If I could only get these crackers open...

This is how Mommy and Daddy do it.

Ok, that didn't work. I'm done!

Goodbye...

pacifer!
So I have been wanting to get rid of the pacifer for some time now but have been putting it off not knowing what we were getting into. We accidently forgot Nate's "pacy" in Bozeman when we were there last weekend and so decided to roll with it. We had one bad night where we were up till 2:00 in the morning with him but since then he has only asked for it about once a day. When he does I just remind him that he had a birthday party and that he is two now and big boys don't have pacy's. Hooray! I didn't know it would be that easy!

Our little blessing

I cant believe how big my boy is getting. Everyone says that he is tall for his age so I guess he must be. He will be 2 on Monday! We are headed to Bozeman on Friday for my cousin Brenton's wedding then on to Lewistown for the rest of the weekend. I'm excited that we get to celebrate Nate's birthday with some family! Yay! Nate is such a sweet little boy full of hugs and kisses and pats on the back. He loves all stuffed animals and takes good care of them (gives them drinks, stuffs food in their mouths... :) We are also proud of how athletic he is becoming. He loves to jump and kick and throw and hang off of things. I bought him a tball awhile ago and he loves to swing that bat and impress us with how good he can hit the ball across the room. He is very vocal but still doesn't say alot of real words. I guess he figures his signs and sounds work great why say the word? He definitely can say the word "No" however. I have heard that word a few too many times lately. And he says it with such attitude!
Yesterday we went on a walk along the creek and I was pointing out the trees and grass and pinecones telling him how God made each one of them and he immediately started doing the signs for the song "My God is so big." It just amazed how he related that song to what I was saying. They are smart little ones, aren't they?
I am so thankful for my son and the blessing he is to us. He brings such a needed joy into our lives. Thank you Lord for little Nate!!

Here are some fun bath time photos from last night...

This cracks me up...

Nate and I were having some popcorn for a snack yesterday and this is what I later discovered... I guess he thought Elmo was hungry too! :)

Elmo seems to be Nate's new friend.

He carries him everywhere and loves to give him rides in his car.

So sweet!

He gives and takes away...blessed be the name of the LORD.

Today was supposed to be a very exciting day. The day was finally here to go to the Dr. for my first prenatal visit for our second child! I had been waiting for this day for weeks! I couldn't wait to hear the little heart beat and see the little one forming inside of me on the ultrasound screen. I was going to waste no time getting home so I could announce it to the world (well, at least to my fellow bloggers and facebookers) that we were expecting!! But, God had different plans this go around. Last Saturday I had some light spotting. I called the Dr. Monday morning and they assured me that although it was not something to take lightly, it was probably nothing to be concerned about. Unfortunately, by Tuesday evening it was getting worse and by Wednesday I knew I was losing the battle I did not want to fight. Having a miscarriage is never something that you think is going to happen to you so it was very unexpected. It has been a difficult week, a disappointing one... But I continue to raise my eyes to the Lord where He gives me comfort and hope. Hope of another life to come.
So, today is a bittersweet day. I am grieving the loss of my sweet child but looking forward with hope of another to fill my arms very soon. The Lord does not take something from our hands without filling it with something better. I'm hanging on to that!